Where Friendships go to Die...

Sometimes friendships run their course.  I am coming to accept that this does not mean that anyone did anything wrong, necessarily, but that people go down different roads.  I would say that people change, and there is something to that, but sometimes it's simply that we become more aware of our differences and needs as we grow older.

I'm feeling a definite shift in the current of a friendship that has endured for almost 30 years, with detours and pitfalls along the way.  However, this time feels different, this time the change seems drastic and permanent.

Yes, there have been hurt feelings and misunderstandings and slights, perceived or real...it doesn't really matter, they still hurt just as much.  But, I ultimately don't think it's changing because of that. I think it's changing because we are far apart...not in actual distance, but in life place and situation and in how we respond to that.  We each tend to think that our way is the best and that the other person doesn't like the way we handle it...but it's really just a matter of different personalities and different needs.

But, now I am wondering how you do it? After 30 years do you really just dissolve a friendship? Without some sort of real bone of contention? Or do you figure out a way to just say to each other, ok, let's be friends, but different friends? Let's not have high expectations, let's not feel like we have to stay as close or see each other as much or talk as often...but still care, and still be there for each other if the other asks it.

It's kind of painful, especially for someone like me who doesn't have that many true friendships left any longer.  But, I'd rather us both feel good about it and leave it at that...not try to soldier on, both of us trying to pretend to be something we're not, walking on eggshells, feeling obligated...and ultimately disappointed.

The one thing I do hate is that, once again, a statement was made that came down to: you're not married with family responsibilities like me, you can't understand my crazy life.  It's this, or it's the "you don't have kids" speech.  I am exhausted from hearing it.

I get it. These things change your life forever.  But, it doesn't mean my life has less obligation, less importance, less worth...or that I am less of a person because I don't have those things.

I wasn't really hurt by the statement.  I know it wasn't meant to be belittling or hurtful.  I just wish that particular thing could have been left unsaid.