Coco Knows....

quick update

2011-10-04T09:12:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm mostly just posting updates for myself now. Kind of a way to keep myself accountable.

It's a crazy week, I'm taking care of animals, and staying in a strange location, so I feel a bit overwhelmed. Also, I'm held hostage by the food that was already located in the house I am taking care of...makes it a bit more of a challenge to eat healthy. But, so far so good. Also, hopefully the work I'm doing with the animals makes up for the inability to work out like usual.

Last week I managed to lose over 4 lbs., this despite a sudden, strong urge for peppermint ice cream mid-week. :) Hopefully I can keep it up!

Not a Fix

2011-09-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

So...once again, I am out of control. My weight has ballooned, and I feel awful. I just can't be left to my own devices. I think I have to be on a diet forever...because I can't seem to "learn" how to eat healthy for myself.

As of today I am back on Weight Watchers. I hope I can stick to it and it works this time. I've got a lot to lose. It will probably take me at least a year of dedication to an eating plan and regular workouts. This, on top of all the stress of still trying to figure my life out. But, I can't just let my conflict and confusion be an excuse to let myself go.

I have to at least try, even though I don't really have the money for it. It may not be a fix, but it's a starting point.

2011-09-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

I've never felt more conflicted than I do right now. I can't explain it. I'm entering my late 30s, and I suddenly feel like my life is as unsettled as it was when I was in college. At least then I had a schedule of classes and a clear goal of getting a diploma.

Is this a mid-life crisis? Isn't it a bit early? Though, I am quite punctual, perhaps my crisis reflects my own timing? There are just so many questions I don't have clear answers to:

Do I quit my dead end, time sucking, mind-numbing, but decent paying job?

Honey, I think there's a little drool on your legal brief.

Do I move somewhere new, just to kickstart my life and get out of a rut?

What are these people doing? Because it looks like very little actual moving is getting done.

Do I stay put and start thinking about having a baby on my own?

This is seriously creepy.

Where are my clear aspirations?

The most I seem to want out of life is a house, and some land, and some animals, and a garden.

Friends and family that I love to enjoy some peace, and some beauty and some laughs with.

Probably infringing on someone's privacy/property by posting this.
If this is your house, I promise I'm not stalking you.
No, no, that's not me with the binoculars lurking behind that tree...
Don't be crazy.

And yet, even that, seems out of my grasp.

Are YOU Judging ME? You Judging ME? I'm Judging YOU!

2011-03-23T18:28:00.000-07:00

Why doesn't anyone critique the judges on these music competition shows? I know, they're seasoned professionals. They've paid their dues, and now they can sit back on their firm, but perky, asses sipping sparkling waters or jack daniels, depending on their preferences. But, I think they still deserve some scrutiny.

For instance, tonight, why is Jennifer Lopez made up like a cheap hooker? When did frosted green/blue eye shadow come back in style? I thought it was out with the whole "I wear blue eye shadow, cuz everybody knows blue shadow makes your eyes look blue", and wearing 3 pairs of multicolored socks. Apparently not. And not only is she wearing it, along with two giant circles of shiny pink blush, she is wearing it all the way AROUND her eyes. It's like an Avatar creature put on a human skin and married Marc Anthony.

Speaking of human skin, hello Steven Tyler. Don't get me wrong, I worship at his feet. There is something about that bag of bones that just drips sexiness, even at this geriatric stage of his life. But, man, DO something. He's lounging sideways in that chair through the whole show, like he's waiting for someone to pass the bong. That is, until he runs up on stage to hug someone. You've had your moment, Steven, don't make me call in two tween girls to wrestle you off the stage.

Randy? Well, Randy, what can I say, dog? Nothing. I applaud you for cutting down on your use of the word "pitchy" this season. That is all.

My final nit-pick is for Seacrest. I realize he is not a judge, but he's in our face all the time. Not only does he ask the judges and contestants inane questions that no one really cares about, he makes it a habit to embarrass the celebrities in the audience. Oh yes, by all means, Ryan, introduce Pit Bull, but ignore Marc Anthony in favor of pointing out the Kenny Rogers impersonator sitting next to him. And, while you're at it, embarrass one of the moms by having world famous part-time chef/full-time jackass, Gordon Ramsey, critique her homemade food. Very classy. When you offend a mom, you earn a very special place in hell. I hope your hair product doesn't catch fire.

Seacrest OUT!

Let the Bacchanal Begin!

2011-02-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

I think birthdays have simply become an excuse to gorge ourselves. Seriously? It was close to binge and purge levels I ate so much over the last week. *sigh* It seems so good going in, but then you just feel disgusting later.

However, it kinda makes today-the day I start nutrisystem-feel really, really welcome. Anything that doesn't make me feel like I've been blown up like a balloon. I even managed to work out for a bit. Yay me!

This is going to be a tough month. Working to finish up a big project by the end of the month, on top of being really busy at work. Hopefully I don't succumb to the stress.

Here's hoping!

I hope I don't just lose cup size...

2011-02-22T17:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm not going to write an erotic blog. Even though that generated the first comment I've had so far. *sigh* My boobs have always garnered much more response than anything I say or do. What does this say about society? More importantly, what does this say about my boobs?

Anyway, today I feel like talking about my weight. It's not nearly as salacious or interesting as nudity and sex, but it's something I've struggled with for many years. Lately it's been worse...not that I've gained a ton or anything, but my habits have gotten REALLY bad. I just can't seem to consistently eat healthy or exercise like I used to.

I get ready to leave work and the last thing I want to think about is what to cook for dinner. This leads me to eating out. And then I feel disgusting...and not at all like working out. Combine all this with trying to go to school full time in the evenings and weekends for the last 10 months and I'm in awful shape.

In the past Weight Watchers worked really well for me. In fact, a few years back I lost over 60 lbs with them. But this time around I haven't been able to stick with it. So, I broke down (and broke out the wallet) and signed up for Nutrisystem. It's going to be convenient for me since everything is pretty much pre-packaged, making it easier for me to stick to. Of course I have questions about its long term viability-but I am dedicated to trying to apply the tools they provide and also increasing my physical activity, so that hopefully this will just be a tool to help me change my lifestyle long term.

I'll try and post periodically as a way of keeping myself accountable.

Oh, one more thing: BOOBS!!!!

Quixotic Erotic Episodic

2011-01-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking about starting an erotic blog. I'm sure the idea has already been though of, but I'm too lazy to google it. I say this because, seriously, have you checked out internet porn? It makes you realize that there is NOTHING that someone hasn't already thought of...including something involving a chicken, some silly putty and a thigh master. But, I digress.

I realize that the most interesting thing I could ever talk about would be something that never actually happened. Does anyone REALLY want to hear me talk about what kind of Campbell's Soup I bought and whether I made it with milk or water? I didn't think so. BUT, if it was a story where a stunning blonde with large tits stood naked before the cabinet pondering what snack would satisfy her hunger...only to realize the only thing that would satisfy her hunger is "his" throbbing member? Now that you'd probably be dying to read. Ya pervert.

Or maybe a blog chronicling my adventures in the plushy sex trade industry. If you don't know about plushies--Again, Google it...you'll be sorry you did. If I need something furry humping my leg I'll get a dog, thank you very much.

Lindsay Lohan, I'm looking at you.

2011-01-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

Today I got a mani/pedi. It was quite enjoyable, and didn't elicit any crazy stories like the last time. I kinda missed those crazy asian ladies...

I don't know what they were talking about, but it made it kind of exciting you know? Yes, probably they were going to give me a foot massage..but they could, just as easily, have been talking about torturing me until I gave up super important government secrets (yeah, I've got some, what of it??).

That's what makes life interesting...

The ladies who beat your calves, leaving them bruised before trapping you in a prison of paraffin-which you PAY them to do...the crazy man who punishes you in Walmart of smiling back at him by following you around as you shop talking incessantly about the print shop he works in...the lady with the pet squirrel photos all over her office...the cafeteria lady who moonlights as a phone sex operator...

THIS is America people. Not farmers, not people pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, not huddling masses yearning to be free...but crazy people. Without them there'd be no National Enquirer, no People of Walmart, no Tosh.o, and ultimately, no American Idol. Crazy people keep the cogs of this big machine going.

So the next time you see the lady pushing her plastic "baby" in a carriage, or the gentleman wearing the foil hat to block his brain waves...salute them.

If I was in a committed relationship with Steven Tyler, I wonder if he'd ask me to pour him a nice, soothing formaldehyde bath?

2011-01-21T17:38:00.000-08:00

Aerosmith always said "sex" to me. Play one of their songs and parts of my clothing were almost guaranteed to start falling off...with or without the help of some alcohol.

Lately, though, I'm beginning to wonder if all the stories are true. Perhaps they, along with The Rolling Stones and Ozzy Osbourne, have made some sort of unholy pact with the devil. Okay, admittedly, having a HOLY pact with the devil might be kind of difficult, but stay with me here.

Think about it: don't they all seem just a tad bit like the undead? Leathery, gaunt, at times mumbling and shuffling about like it's time for their 5 o'clock brain feeding...but then put a spotlight and a microphone in front of them? Suddenly their pelvises are thrusting like they've had an overdose of Viagra.

I'm thinking about getting the folks from Buffy or Angel or possibly Supernatural (since bafflingly, it is still on the air) to check it out. At the very least they have to be feasting on the souls on a few of those giddy groupies that make it back stage...

Spring Cleaning

2011-01-20T19:53:00.000-08:00

I remember putting on my sundress over my clothes, shimmying it down around my waste, and declaring it my "apron" when I was around 3 or 4. I'd wear it while helping my mother clean, which consisted of taking every item out of her sizable sewing cabinet and replacing it in a nice neat order. It was one of my most fun activities.

I still get some sort of bizarre joy from things like that-cleaning out my dresser drawers, folding panties and bras, arranging them by type and color and replacing them neatly...rolling up my socks neatly, folding t-shirts and stacking them by color and type...lining up shoes on the floor of my closet by color and height...and yes, I inevitably know that I won't keep them that way. One hurried morning and the thongs are in with the granny panties and a pair of pumps is stuck inside a pair of boots. But, for a brief moment everything is tidy, and orderly, and contained...and that makes me feel good.

I kind of think of myself the same way. I try to keep my emotions and reactions tidy and in order, and I feel proud and happy when I keep myself in check for just a little bit. But, inevitably, something will happen and I'll let my ugly out...cry my eyes out when I see a Pampers commercial...act jealous when my guy's attention is not fully on me (even if it's totally justified)...say something snarky under the guise of "joking".

The truth is that things will always get messy-whether it's my skivvies drawer or my personal life. I have to learn to applaud myself for the moments I have it all together, but give myself permission to let things get messy occasionally.

this is not a vomitorium.

2010-09-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

So, apparently, some gentle soul with a lust for life and a pretty spiffy time machine, has whisked himself out of the Roman Age straight to the Midwest...and in his disorientation (because really, cars and McDonald's would freak anyone out) he believes that the side yard of my apartment building is a vomitorium for his purging pleasure.

Every morning I take my dog out to do his "business", and I'm very conscientious with my little plastic bag hanging over my hand ready to scoop up any mess that may be generated. So why do I have to see, at least once a week, a putrid pile of puke? It's hard to miss, especially when the dog makes a bee-line for it. It's surprising how much power a little dog can generate when you're trying to desperately to keep him from chowing down on some one's recycled lunch. It's happened so often now that I've found myself actually searching for it, as the actual location varies by a yard or two each time, and evaluating it. Things like:

Why is puke usually pink, no matter what you eat?
Why is this person eating so many pineapple chunks?
Is there some sort of sign in the area saying "puke here"? or perhaps a poster at the local bar?

...go through my head. People. Come on. I mean, I give you props, because obviously you are not drinking and driving, but please puke in the privacy of your own home.

...about intense.

2010-09-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs Personality test? It's my experience that people have either never taken it or have taken it multiple times over the course of several years. The later category is where I fall. The times I've taken it have spanned over 10+ years, and yet I get the same result every time.

If you haven't taken it, you can Google it as there are tons of sites about it out there, or check out: http://www.personalitypathways .com/type_inventory.html
Basically, after going through many questions you end up with a four letter combo that describes your personality. I am a firm ENFP (Extrovert, iNtuition, Feeling, Perceiver). This, among other things, describes me as being very...INTENSE (which is a nice way of putting it, if you ask me).

I was talking with my mom about it this weekend, and about a new project I am wanting to undertake, making a rag quilt. It got us talking about sewing and how she and my grandmother were always BIG sewers. Every dress or outfit I had for years was homemade, and quilts galore, and any whim I had about a costume I wanted was granted.

Unfortunately I never really picked up on it. Which makes me sad, in a way, but then again, sewing clothing isn't nearly as economical as it used to be. However, the whole reason, my mother reminded me, that I don't really know how to sew is because of my intensity. From the time I was little, I was SO hard on myself-expecting to pick something up perfectly the first time and if I didn't? BAM! You wanna talk about anger management issues?

I still struggle with that idea that I can just will myself to do things perfectly right from the outset. Although, I have learned to really chill out and not get so worked up about things, but I still can get frustrated easily when a project isn't coming together.

I'm feeling this urge now (on top of the million other things I have to do) to start making something. There is a satisfaction like no other to look at something beautiful and practical and be able to say "I made that." So I lugged out the sewing machine that has been gathering dust in my mom's garage and brought it home. At the moment, it's still sitting in a box on my sofa...but, hopefully soon I'll have it out and start work.

Hopefully it won't turn into a cage match between me and the machine.

.....what makes your skin crawl.

2010-09-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

In general, I am not a girl who gets overly wrought about creepy crawlies. I don't shriek when I see a spider, or beat a hasty retreat if I see a snake in the distance. I have a healthy respect for animals and insects alike, don't get me wrong, but they don't frighten me.

However, I have a particular aversion to what I term "crunchy bugs"...this would include your cockroaches, your june bugs and your locusts (or whatever colloquial term you call all these suckers by). I particularly despise cicadas/locusts because they leave their bug eyed body husks hanging around. I can't bear someone who doesn't pick up after themselves. I have a very vivid memory of being around 10 and being chased up and down the street by neighborhood kids holding shed outer wrappings of cicadas in their outstretched hands...also around the same time standing on the front step SCREAMING and crying for my mom to open the door, because there was a cicadas hanging on the outside of the screen door at both the front and the back. It's serious psychosis people. Don't try to talk me out of it because they "don't hurt you", I just don't care for them and I never will.

And while we're on the subject, I do have to say that bugs and other things creep me out when I'm in a vulnerable state...which would include being asleep and being naked. In fact, I could probably say that lots of things might creep me out when naked, but that's a story for a different day. The idea of anything-even harmless little ants, crawling on me while I sleep makes me twitch and scratch like a meth addict. I grew up in a duplex where the landlord REFUSED to come and fix the tile on the bathtub that was literally falling off. As a result we hung a big sheet of plastic up covering the wall. However, the sheet of plastic did not keep out the infestation of ants we got every summer. Our water bill was cut drastically because my showers got shorter and shorter the more ants traipsed out of the walls and into the shower with me.

Even now I shudder. I think I have PTID. Post Traumatic Insect Disorder.

ThunderSloths Are GO!!!!

2010-08-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

From beyond the US borders, deep in the remote jungles of South America, bringing with them the laws and ideals of their leafy, poorly constructed lean-to, come the ThunderSloths.

Folivo, the dirty...Bicho, the lazy... Linnaeus, the meandering... Ritto & Ridette, the yawning duo ... Bradypus, the slattern... THE THUNDERSLOTHS - all sworn to serve mankind when they get around to it, and to sleep as much as possible. The green leaves of the forest canopy, or at least the ones within easy reach, are the source of the ThunderSloths' power.

When trouble arises they will be there....eventually.

Drowning in Love

2010-08-19T18:10:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been marveling at the beauty and immensity of Love. I mean real love, not just that stupid mushy feeling teenage girls feel when they look at sparkly vampires.

It seems like it took me over 30 years to really find it and feel it fully...and I must admit, at times it is overwhelming. How do you express to someone something that is so all encompassing that it feels a bit like wading into what you think is a puddle, and finding, as you break the surface gasping, that it's actually a lake.

For me, loving someone is about a lot of things...it's about being mushy, and cutesy and touchy-feely....but it's also about talking about the hard things, and knowing that even though it's tough, you'll come out the other side even closer. It's about a safe place to be yourself totally. It's about loving not just the person, but all the things that that person loves (I'm not saying you suddenly have to start liking to eat lima beans just because that's their favorite food).

Most importantly, I think loving someone is about letting yourself be loved...and deciding you deserve it, and are worthy of the same kind of love you dish out. Unconditional, wild, abandoned, no rules love.

Every day love feels and looks a little different...but every day it's beautiful.

Things you should think about...

2010-08-17T17:14:00.000-07:00

Why are there always ads and recipes at the top of my Gmail account for Spam?

Country Spam Casserole? Always a blue ribbon winner at the county fair.

Spam Fajitas? Nothing says "ole!" like canned meat product.

Spam Hawaiian Pizza? Who needs grass skirts and palm trees when you have gelatinous meat??

Spam Oven Roasted Turkey Mega-Muffins? There's so many things mouth-watering about this, I can't even begin to list them.

A Musical Interlude

2010-08-16T21:26:00.000-07:00

It's really interesting how music can provide a timeline of your life. I don't just mean what songs were popular when you were a kid, or in college, or buying your first house...or even what song was playing when you had your first kiss. My eclectic music taste can trace its roots back to certain periods of time, yes, but more importantly, to specific people in my life. I'm kind of like a sponge, and everyone in my life contributes a little bit to my mind opening up and experiencing new things, and music is no exception.

When I was young my mom controlled the radio stations. We had an old red nova, the paint faded to a warm pink tone, that had only an AM radio. So this meant lots of oldies and country music were playing every time we drove. I remember specifically standing in my grandmother's back bedroom and deciding that my favorite song was "All the Gold in California" by the Gatlin Brothers was my favorite song. Picture a chubby cheeked, big brown eyed 5 year old wearing high heels and a sun dress pulled on over clothes like an apron belting out "...is in a bank in the middle of Beverly hills...in somebody else's name..."
I remember dancing in socks and sparkly dress up clothes on the linoleum kitchen floor to "Disco Duck" with my best friend and lip syncing to the Carpenter's at Christmas.

In Jr. High I had a terrific crush on a boy who moved to our area from California. He was scrawny and freckled and wanted nothing at all to do with me...which I think only made me decide I wanted him more. His older sister befriended me, and I thought her the most beautiful, smart, friendly girl in the world. One day I remember being on the phone with her and she got him to come into the room and sing "Toy Soldiers" by Marteka. I still guffaw whenever I hear that song, but at at the time I was swooning like he was Elvis Presley.

High School took me in all sorts of directions depending on who I was in contact with...country, top 40 pop, late night Dr. Demento, and of course being introduced to The Cure and Kate Bush and a host of other bands that I never would have admitted to my mom that I listened to at my friend's houses.

Now that I am in my thirties, you'll probably find I have one of the most eclectic music collections out there...from Neil Diamond, who makes me feel sappy...to Aerosmith, who make me wanna play air guitar....to Metallica who make me wanna head bang...to Carrie Underwood who makes me wanna belt it out as loud as I can in my car...to U2...to The Doors...to Bing Crosby...

Thank you to all the people in my life who have given me such a great soundtrack.

Missing You

2010-08-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

There really are very few feelings in life that are better than seeing the one you love after an absence...whether it was a day, a week, or a month or longer.

It's like suddenly all those joints that had been slightly askew...achy, mismatched pieces grinding against each other...slip right back into place and the rhythm returns. Even just sitting in silence together feels sweet...and those moments of giggling about nothing at all are like heaven.

On the flip side, it hurts like hell when you have to leave again...like a part of you got left behind, and you won't feel truly right again until it's back in place.

Where Friendships go to Die...

2010-08-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes friendships run their course. I am coming to accept that this does not mean that anyone did anything wrong, necessarily, but that people go down different roads. I would say that people change, and there is something to that, but sometimes it's simply that we become more aware of our differences and needs as we grow older.

I'm feeling a definite shift in the current of a friendship that has endured for almost 30 years, with detours and pitfalls along the way. However, this time feels different, this time the change seems drastic and permanent.

Yes, there have been hurt feelings and misunderstandings and slights, perceived or real...it doesn't really matter, they still hurt just as much. But, I ultimately don't think it's changing because of that. I think it's changing because we are far apart...not in actual distance, but in life place and situation and in how we respond to that. We each tend to think that our way is the best and that the other person doesn't like the way we handle it...but it's really just a matter of different personalities and different needs.

But, now I am wondering how you do it? After 30 years do you really just dissolve a friendship? Without some sort of real bone of contention? Or do you figure out a way to just say to each other, ok, let's be friends, but different friends? Let's not have high expectations, let's not feel like we have to stay as close or see each other as much or talk as often...but still care, and still be there for each other if the other asks it.

It's kind of painful, especially for someone like me who doesn't have that many true friendships left any longer. But, I'd rather us both feel good about it and leave it at that...not try to soldier on, both of us trying to pretend to be something we're not, walking on eggshells, feeling obligated...and ultimately disappointed.

The one thing I do hate is that, once again, a statement was made that came down to: you're not married with family responsibilities like me, you can't understand my crazy life. It's this, or it's the "you don't have kids" speech. I am exhausted from hearing it.

I get it. These things change your life forever. But, it doesn't mean my life has less obligation, less importance, less worth...or that I am less of a person because I don't have those things.

I wasn't really hurt by the statement. I know it wasn't meant to be belittling or hurtful. I just wish that particular thing could have been left unsaid.

Oh the horror! the horror!!!

2010-08-07T14:13:00.000-07:00

Panting...whining...slobbering...I can't get away from it, it's everywhere. It's like they're after me....babies and puppies. Everywhere I went today I was fired at on every side by bullets of cuteness. If I said "Awwww" one more time I would have been forced to punch myself in the mouth. Only my impenetrable forcefield of cynicism kept me from being completely overtaken and running home with a puppy under one arm and a baby under the other.

It's seriously not at all fair that women have to deal with the whole biological clock thing. There's been some theories that men go through the same thing, but I just can't believe that it's on part with what we suffer. And besides, we suffer once a month for around 40 years...what's the pay-off if we decide to not have kids or can't have kids? I think there should be some sort of cosmic restitution, like supreme wealth or a closet full of kick-ass shoes if that happens.

And, because our dogs and cats and rats and whatever other kind of pet you choose, usually takes the place or supplements that need to nurture and baby:

http://www.petfinder.com/index.html

I think, in this instance, chocolate is required.

Valium Cupcakes

2010-08-05T17:56:00.000-07:00

This is not a food blog, I just want to make that clear. I am not disciplined enough to regularly try out new recipes and write about the results, nor skilled enough to take pictures that would make your mouth water. However, I love baking.

To me, baking is stress relief and therapy. When things seem too much...when I'm down...when nothing else is going right...I bake cupcakes. Because, seriously, who can upset when they see a cute cupcake that tastes just as good as it looks? I make all kinds...chocolate peanut butter...coconut...french toast...strawberry...cherry limeade...right now I'm whipping up a batch of white chocolate macadamia nut cupcakes. The house smell deee-licious.

I rarely eat more than one. Typically I take them into work or to a party and let people have at them. Because it's not about eating them, it's about the process...the way you put all these random ingredients together in precise amounts and suddenly you have this tiny little yummy cake. And, it's also about doing something that makes other people happy.

That's just who I am. I just want to show people I care...and if that comes in the form of a fattening, indulgent treat occasionally...is that so bad??

Nietzsche is Sexy

2010-08-04T08:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you're just having a pity party...wondering why you're only able to sleep in one hour spurts...why some people seem to get everything they want and you don't...and why nacho cheese dip has to be so bad for you...

and then someone mentions role play in the bedroom involving Friedrich Nietzsche...and somehow it's all better.

I'm SUPER positive that things are going to go to hell, m'kay?!? :)

2010-08-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

My Boo (oh yes, I am choosing to go with the super trendy, "I sound like a 16 year old white girl who thinks she's black!" moniker, get over it) said something quite profound today...he's got me pegged. It's both disconcerting and comforting at the same time to realize that someone knows you that well. But, basically...all these years I kept insisting that I was a pessimist and had to struggle to see the bright side of things...and yet, over and over I find myself getting my hopes up about things...that can't be the sign of a pessimist, can it? Okay, maybe a mentally damaged pessimist, but not a super high functioning pessimist like me.

Sooo, I asked him:

Me: So...am I really a pessimist? Or am I fooling myself?

My Boo: You're full of crap.

Me: No. Really.

My Boo: Nope. You're an optimist...you get excited over possibilities and progress...you've just been burned before and put up walls.

Now, maybe this isn't earth-shattering. But it made me really thoughtful about myself...and made me feel all sappy-like.

But, I'm pretty positive he's going to dump me tomorrow.
wah-waaaaah

Things you should think about...

2010-08-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

I just read a blogpost where, the "secret word" you had to type in to prove you were a real person and not spambot was "pantie". Blogger is coming very close to receiving a misspelled PG-13 rating.

I wonder if parents who start their daughters out on the road to pro-golfing at a young age are really disappointed when she hits puberty and sprouts double Ds??

I Wanna Be Famous

2010-08-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

That's right, you heard me, famous...or infamous. I'm really not that picky. And, it all starts with a blog. Er....isn't that right? But I gotta get more than 2 followers, because I don't think you can officially call yourself "famous" with 2 followers. Three *maybe*...Five *totally legitimate*. But, I suppose that means I have to have more than two posts...hm...therein lies the trouble. Working for something and following through on it are not my strong points. I'm more a "lie back and if that steamroller headed towards you ends up flattening you, then it was meant to be" kinda gal.

Okay, scratch that. Everything you read in the previous paragraph is a complete and utter lie. Well, except for the two followers part. I am actually more of a "Fight tooth and nail to control every little minute part of your life" kinda gal. Neither life philosophy is particularly successful. Sometimes you gotta roll with the punches and sometimes you gotta THROW the punches. OOOOOOh, that's good, isn't it? I think it's gonna be my motto. Now if I can only translate it into Latin and get it tattooed across my rear, we'll be in business.

This was a productive, non-productive weekend. What I mean by that is I spent the whole weekend working and not much weekending. Weekends should be for brains shutting down and booze guzzling down throats. Or something like that...that will not be my motto, for those keeping score at home. But instead I spent the weekend tearing my hair out over an assignment that had to be done, but I had no will to do. But, I did it-as craptacular as it might turn out to be...and now I've got a couple of brief hours before I go to sleep and start the whole process over again.

Blerg.

It's a brand new day!

2010-07-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, I doubt there is anyone left out there who still reads my blog, or even remembers who I am. I went off the grid. Well, not really off the grid, that would be far too much trouble. I just got lazy...and busy...which makes being lazy a bitch. But I digress.

What's new? What's fabulous? What does Coco know today?

Well...not much more than she knew a year ago, I'll tell you that much. But, Coco is a happier person now than she was a year ago. She is trying to have a more positive outlook on life, trying to be a bit more of a Pollyanna...and apparently she is also going to refer to herself in 3rd person from here on out. And in honor of this new outlook and new start, I deleted all my old posts. I saved them someplace...so I can go back later and read them and shake my head in horror or amazement or a tangy sweet mixture of both.

I am still living and working in the same place. It's still crap. Possibly worse crap than before. I want out. I want out real bad. I've applied and applied and applied...I can't even tell you how many resumes I have sent out, cover letters I have typed, job postings I have responded to. And I'll I've gotten is silence in return...oh, and some more spam email. But I am not giving up. Damn this economy! Damn this job market! I'm a great employee people! *sigh* Oh well. Doesn't help that I found out my big boss, after 10 years of loyal service, was ready for me to get the hell out as soon as she learned I was looking. That was like a punch in the gut. I thought these people liked me, I thought they'd be sad to see me go...I KNOW they will be hurting when they realize how much I do and how no one else knows how to do it! But, I guess they'll have to learn that the hard way if I ever do get out of here.

In the mean time, I have started school. I am 3 months into an MFA in writing through an online program. It is a LOT of work. It's only a year long, so that means 1 class a month, and it also means a lot of work. And, do I have ANY idea or guarantee that I'll get a better job when I'm handed that diploma with extra letters on it along with a much more sizable student loan debt?? Nooooo. But, it was time to try something different. :) And I'm hopeful...

There's also a guy in my life...and he's wonderful. I can't think of anyone more perfect for me...oh wait, yes I can...someone who doesn't live HOURS away!!! :) But, I can put up with something that trivial for awhile as long as it means having a really great person in my life. It was unexpected, and cynical me did not expect to get swept away, but it happened. What does the future hold? I dunno. And that's okay too. Hopefully it holds a move for me...but beyond that? I'm just riding the wave.